today i had the pleasure of reading some excerpts of mindy kaling's (i.e., kelly from the office and my great friend divya's doppleganger) new book is everyone hanging out without me?. the chapters are so funny and i feel like i want to be best friends with her. my favorite chapter is below:
"do these things, part 2
some more stuff to do that will make your life better.
1. sneakers that "tone your butt as you walk" are shams.
1. sneakers that "tone your butt as you walk" are shams.
nobody buy these. a brilliant charlatan invented them and is making a ton of money off innocent, desperate fatties. i tried these. They don’t do anything but make you look insecure. also, only chubby people wear them. Fit people don’t because they know you need to actually exercise to be in shape.
2. don't use the word "retarded."
it is just so totally uncool to use the word “retarded” anymore to describe something you think is stupid. it is barely acceptable when uninformed small children say it (and reflects so poorly on parenting), and is completely offensive for adults. How inarticulate are you if you have to use this word? How confident are you that no one you talk to would be offended by it, or worse, have someone in his or her life that has a mental disability? a pretty funny writer with a great spec script came into The Office to meet with producers about staffing. He was a friend of two other writers on staff. i thought he was cool initially, becausehe didn’t seem to take himself seriously and knew a lot about the Lakers. Then, in describing a Kobe Bryant–Shaq altercation, he used the word “retarded,” and kept repeating it, the way I say “like.” It waslike a tiny knife stabbing me every time he used it. When our bossasked us what we thought of him, I said I liked him, but I thought his liberal use of the word “retarded” was embarrassing and off-putting. I don’t know how much I affected the outcome, but he didn’t get hired.
it is just so totally uncool to use the word “retarded” anymore to describe something you think is stupid. it is barely acceptable when uninformed small children say it (and reflects so poorly on parenting), and is completely offensive for adults. How inarticulate are you if you have to use this word? How confident are you that no one you talk to would be offended by it, or worse, have someone in his or her life that has a mental disability? a pretty funny writer with a great spec script came into The Office to meet with producers about staffing. He was a friend of two other writers on staff. i thought he was cool initially, becausehe didn’t seem to take himself seriously and knew a lot about the Lakers. Then, in describing a Kobe Bryant–Shaq altercation, he used the word “retarded,” and kept repeating it, the way I say “like.” It waslike a tiny knife stabbing me every time he used it. When our bossasked us what we thought of him, I said I liked him, but I thought his liberal use of the word “retarded” was embarrassing and off-putting. I don’t know how much I affected the outcome, but he didn’t get hired.
3. don't kiss your dog on the lips in public.
it is horrifying.
it is horrifying.
4. never have pancakes for breakfast.
Pancakes are a dead end. If I looked back on my life and saw thenumber of days that were a total wash because I had pancakes for breakfast, it would shock you. Sure, they taste about a thousand times better than the boring “Iron Man Health Scramble” you should be eating, but it is so not worth it, ever. Eating pancakes forbreakfast leads to an immediate post-breakfast nap, followed by waking up in the middle of the afternoon feeling disgusted withmyself, but still unable to motivate to do anything. Pancakes lead tolost weekends, like Trainspotting".
Pancakes are a dead end. If I looked back on my life and saw thenumber of days that were a total wash because I had pancakes for breakfast, it would shock you. Sure, they taste about a thousand times better than the boring “Iron Man Health Scramble” you should be eating, but it is so not worth it, ever. Eating pancakes forbreakfast leads to an immediate post-breakfast nap, followed by waking up in the middle of the afternoon feeling disgusted withmyself, but still unable to motivate to do anything. Pancakes lead tolost weekends, like Trainspotting".
every chapter i read made me laugh out loud which is definitely needed mid-week while at work. so now i just have to find time to make it to the book store and pick up this new book and tina fey's new book before the beach!
who are some of your favorite female comedian authors? any that i am missing out on?
i liked 'bleachy-haired honky bitch', by hollis gillespie, a writer for creative loafing.. hilarious and she lives in atlanta so the things she talks about are totally relatable. have fun at the beach sweets!
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